No Angel

It rips me apart is to see a loved one cry but what completely annihilates me is that if I am the reason they’re crying in the first place.

When this happens I completely lose my shit mentally and am more selfish than I am on a regular basis because all I want at that moment is for them to stop hurting. Me trying to offer comfort can actually be smothering because here I’m no Mother Teresa; with every tear that falls, the more I die and will do everything I possibly can to contain the situation because it just rips me apart!
Maybe hurting a little can actually help someone heal, but this is a lesson I need to understand – and learn.

M, I know I usually rant about how you’ve hurt me here but I don’t know how to put into words how much I hate myself today.
Bebu, I cannot promise I won’t do it again in this lifetime ever but I will try my best no to. Thank you for being so kind.

Love. Love. Love.

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