I reek.

I finally understood how he could have figured out despite me not saying a word to him about my personal life. I discovered I reek of jealously; with every single vein. While I sat there alone week after week with cold jelly+contraptions smeared on, inserted in me, in places I didn’t know had any sensation, She walks in with him – radiant. she has hardly a few months or tops a year to live, yet she is glowing. she is almost all bones, her twenty-nine year old skin looks decades older, but she’s beautiful. And there I am, always, burning, wishing I was this dying woman. While I get slapped and spit on, hit, called a whore, abused physically and emotionally and accused of things that have never crossed my mind by the one person I want to live for, she gets loved. And loved and loved. And I wonder what did I do or not do? even though all I’ve felt is true. And then my mind wanders off and thinks well he (radiologist) probably sees hundreds like me live and die. again, I’m left feeling significantly insignificant.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s