I’m going against all better judgement and typing this: M,  I’ve truly done my best; played by all your rules; done everything you’ve asked me to. Savings, gym, grace – i’ve pushed, pulled and twisted my body to your preferences – Yet the past month and some you’ve been relentless in your constant devaluation and discard. Four years ago, i never imgained feeling what i do today. To deliberately make someone feel small and insignificant is a skill i never imagined you would ever have. You were my rock, my upholder of truth;  in my eyes I was the wretched one but you my love, could make a mistake but do no wrong. I’m grateful for every minuscule thing you’ve done for me, baby and my family but  i fail to understand the hatred you have for us now, when all we did was open up our home, life and heart to you. You have no idea, the strength it took for me to pull baby away from you that evening, to accept that this is not the man who loves us but merely someone who looks like him. Because if he loves us and wants to protect us, why then would he want to smash our heads to pieces?

who are you? And what have you done to the man of our house? Sometimes, i wish you were an addict. That way it would be less confusing and I could have something to blame for your abusive behaviour. I may be the worst human being on the planet but that still does not justify the abuse you have put me through- consciously.

I cannot belive you did it. You beat all our love out of me. You won. So now, May you find what you’re looking for Papa Bear. It’s cold outside, keep your chest warm, rub vicks on your feet.